I’m Dick Shittman, lead anchor for HoodNewz.com…
I’m Dick Shittman, lead anchor for HoodNewz.com. Some of you might have heard of me on those mix-tape thingies that 50 Cent and his cheap DJ, Whoo Kid like to release once every season or so. Or, you might’ve recently heard our skits with felon DJ Drama. Or, maybe you heard us on New York’s Hot Pop 97. Or, maybe on weekends on Eminem’s Shade 45 on Siriu. Or, possibly on your block, convincing your retarded nephew to stop quoting Wayne. Or…you might not have heard of us at all.
I would like to welcome you to HoodNewz.com, the next level of hip-hop news-ish stuff. During my many years in news broadcasting, I’ve prided myself in giving people the truth, the whole truth and everything BUT the truth from an honest perspective. We at Hood Newz are the guys with the guts to say “hey, you’ve got something on your nose”, after countless others took note, yet never had the gonads to tell you, even though it dangles off your face like a party favor. That’s what we’re here for: to help blow the nose off the clogged nostrils of hip-hop democracy. To insure that when your favorite rapper runs out the bathroom with toilet paper sticking out their $1,000 dollar denims, someone is there to say “hey…smile.” And when your favorite artist gets stuck for his jewelry, we’re there to say “how much for the bracelet?”
Over the next few years we will receive threats, hate mail, accolades and a few lead pipe shots to the jaw bone, all for the sake of honest journalism. And you know what?! We say “lets go!’ We know what’s up. We are out there; delivering the news the way we think you want to perceive it. The way they don’t want you to see it. You’re probably asking yourself: why this HoodNewz?
To quote our good friend, Robert Van Winkle:
“Their version is ding-ding-ding-ding-ding ding-ding…My version is diing-diing-diing-diing-diing-diing-diing. I just don’t see the difference.”
We here at Hood Newz are that “diing”. Other entities have claimed the hood news moniker, only to put out product worthy of stool samples. Other outlets have run the name to the ground with visuals that make security cameras at 711 seem like a Spielberg film.
News Flash: WE ARE NOT THEM!!!
We are the Hood Newz…with a “Z”. We are what they wish they thought they could try to be, but really, really, really, really better. Same sound, different flavor. Some might label our brand of news as faux, or fake,o r fugazi journalism. We say “maybe”. This staff of highly accomplished somethings have been through the fire, through the limit, through the wall, just to be with you and they’d gladly risk it all. From prisons (Sup Ross!!) to neighborhoods (“Crenshaw stand up!”) to ritzy events (“Is that Alfonso from Fresh Prince?”), our staff has dedicated themselves to bring news how it should be brung: uncircumcised.
Thank you for taking the time to feast your eyes on what we hope is your favorite source for microwavable music fodder.
Until next time, you are dismissed.
Lead Anchor, Hood Newz
PS: We know…