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This morning there were many reports that Drake and Chris Brown were involved in a club brawl that left C Breezy scarred like a Luke dancer.

This is allegedly the culmination of brewing tension between the two pop stars over who has squatters rights to Rihanna’s magic box.  This also comes on the tail end of a soy patty scrap between Drake and Common over Serena Williams.

But we all know that Drizzy is a lover, not a fighter. Yes, he can have a temper at times, but having someone administer a champagne fade on his behalf just doesn’t seem like his style.

Here are five reasons we think  it was more likely that Zombies actually attacked Chris Brown than Drake.

5)Drake doesn’t throw bottles, he recycles them as flower vases.

4)Drake doesn’t fight in clubs unless Ashton Kutcher sets it up first.

3)Drake’s old knee injury makes swinging of anything heavier than a Louis Vuitton satchel awkward.

2) Drake has a gentleman’s agreement with Common that they will not beef with anyone in the Light-Skinned Coalition until casting for the Barack Obama biopic  is announced.

1) If you’ve already sunk Rihanna’s battleship that’s the most direct hit you can make on Chris Brown. No bottles necessary.

Get your daily dose of snark with more lists on TheUrbanDaily:

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Zombie Attack Survival: 5 Reasons To Call Will Smith [ORIGINAL]

5 Ways To Make “Snow White And The Huntsman” Not Suck

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