Dear Blackman,

I have been in a relationship for a year and a half and I’ve yet to meet anyone in his family or visit his home.  He claims his sister and her two children have been living with him while she sorts out her marital problems.  I’ve met most of his close friends, but I really don’t think that means much.  He’s met my parents once, but that is only because they live 3,000 miles away.  After a few months into the relationship, he made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to see other people. My instinct is telling me I should call this one quits and use my plans to leave the area for graduate school as an excuse.  I’ve been screwed over in the past because of my own failure to accept a person’s actions for what they really are.  I’m really digging this guy, but I don’t want to waste my time if he’s not serious enough about me to introduce me to his family.  I had intentions of asking him, but I don’t want to put him on the defensive. What should I do?

Trying To Get Off The Relationship Merry Go Round

The Black Man:

Hello Trying To Get Off The Relationship Merry Go Round,

It is strange that you have not met any of his family and you have never been to his house since you have been dating him. Have you ever asked to go to his house? If so, what did he say?

Before you make any decisions on the situation, talk to him and ask him all the questions that you want to know and get to the bottom of this. Do not worry about him getting defensive about it. If you are looking at a long term relationship with him, then you should get answers on this.

In this circumstance, usually the first scenario that comes to mind is that he is living with another woman. I have seen similar situations and it has also been because the man lives with his mother, is embarrassed of his living conditions, embarrassed about his family or doesn’t have a good relationship with them.  He hides this in fear of losing the woman that he is dating.

Communication is vital in relationships. Let him know how you feel about this issue and ask him all of the questions you want to know. Don’t hold back out of fear of him getting upset. After you get his responses you can assess how you want to move forward in the relationship.

Good Luck.

TBM

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