Wouldn’t it be great if Tiger Woods didn’t have a filter? What if the Cablinasian philanderer could speak freely without losing any endorsement deals? Woods held a press conference today where he apologized some more and expressed his enthusiasm about The Masters. Blah, blah, blah. Here’s what we think he really wanted to say.
1. The New York Post printed the salacious text messages between Tiger and sidepiece, Jamie Grubbs.
Tiger’s response: “Blame it on the alcohol.”
2. The seventh chick linked to Tiger was a porn star. The Tiger went wild, indeed.
Tiger’s response: “I’m gonna take the liberty of quoting a great American poet here, Snoop Dogg: ‘I don’t love them hoes.'”
3. In December 2009, Tiger said he was taking in indefinite leave from golf.
Tiger’s response: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
4. Tiger told the world he was oh-so-sorry back in February.
Tiger’s response: “Yeah, I’m sorry I got caught, but that’s about all I’m sorry for.”
5. Holly Sampson, another porn star, gave Tiger props for his, ahem… stroke.
Tiger’s response: “Call me Tiger Flintstone; I can make your bed rock.”
See the rest of the list at TheBVX.com