I woke up to reports this morning of how fat Mike Tyson has gotten and as a fellow big man I had to come to his defense (just on the weight gain, not his crazy behavior). These are 10 reasons Mike Tyson should be allowed to get fat:

1.) Evander Holyfield’s ear was once part of his diet.

2.) Buster Douglas was fatter than he is now when he knocked him out.

3.) After threatening to “eat the children” of his opponents I’m glad he’s sticking to Big Mac’s and Twinkies.

4.) Unbeknown to us, Mike is in training for a cameo in the next installment of The Klumps.

5.) If he loses too much weight that tattoo on his face will shrink and look like a black eye.

6.) After earning $300 million dollars getting punched in the face repeatedly, he had to file for bankruptcy in 2003. Let the man have a donut. Or twenty.

7.) If he’s really a devout Muslim he should knock off a few pounds during Ramadan.

8.) Have you seen Charles Barkley?

9.) The man is clearly depressed and many scientists have co-signed the benefits of chocolate on mental well-being. Ok, so he’s evidently eating a LOT of chocolate but still…

10.) But most importantly, he could probably still knock any of US the hell out.

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